Inheritance of Hope a resource when a parent dies
As the death rate rose due to the COVID-19 pandemic, Inheritance of Hope conducted over 2,000 services, last year, for families grieving the loss of a loved one. It was a dramatic increase for the non-profit organization whose mission is to inspire hope in young families in the wake of the death of a parent.
The organization was formed, in 2007, by former Cornwall-on-Hudson residents Deric and Kristen Milligan. In 2003, Kristen was diagnosed with terminal liver cancer and subsequently lost her battle nine years later. At the time, the Milligan’s were raising three young children under the age of five, but the resources weren’t available to help them cope with the loss of a parent.
and CEO of Inheritance of Hope.
“When Kristen first got her diagnosis one of the biggest struggles was how are we going to communicate with our children and help them navigate through this,” Deric said. “My first instinct was let’s find an organization which can give us some guidance on this and there wasn’t anything at that time. That’s why we started Inheritance of Hope. The impact a parent’s illness has on a child is tremendous and families need help with that.”
Inheritance of Hope offers a number of resources which help families be intentional with whatever time they have left. Located in North Carolina, the organization offers legacy retreats, a four-day event for families to come together to receive resources and build relationships.
Another resource, parents can create legacy videos or write letters to their children.
“For the person battling an illness, it’s an opportunity to take control in a situation where they have very little control over many things,” Deric said. “They can’t control how their body will respond to treatment or even to some extent the illness they’re battling. They can record videos. They can write letters. I saw this with Kristen. When recording videos and writing letters, they can participate in the future in a hopeful way. Our hope is always they’ll be able to be there for those moments. Some of the moments she prepared for, she was still here for when they happened.”
Families might participate in a variety of groups such as a caregiver group, a life after loss group, or even those for children and teens. On a quarterly basis, memorial gatherings are held to honor the legacies of family members lost. When the pandemic hit, Inheritance of Hope pivoted online and began offering resources virtually.
“The impact a parent’s illness has on a child is tremendous and families need help with that.”
Deric Milligan, Co-Founder and CEO of Inheritance of Hope.
For the Milligans, they tried to involve their children as much as possible.
“Oftentimes the caregiver is focused on finding treatments and helping the diagnosed parent,” Deric said. “It’s easy for the children to be overlooked. It’s hard to imagine what the children are thinking. They’re very perceptive and they know something is wrong, but we learn it’s important to be intentional with communication. If not, there can be a lot of misunderstandings.”
For example, when Kristen left for her first surgery, she and her husband were gone for days. The children, who were staying with family, were worried neither of their parents were going to return home. Another example of the importance of communication, Kristen would often take the kids into New York City where she received radiation treatments at Sloan Kettering Cancer Center. They would make a day of it in an effort to create positive memories. For one of the treatments, however, their son was disappointed when he learned his mother wouldn’t be shot with some sort of laser gun.
“Chemotherapy is a scary notion and most of us don’t know what that looks like,” Deric said. “I think children especially imagine all sorts of things so we think it’s important to involve the children in an age appropriate way. Take something that could be very divisive and disruptive to a family and use it as an opportunity to draw everyone closer to each other.”
For more information, or to make a donation to Inheritance of Hope, visit inheritanceofhope.org.
